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As you continue to gain cookies in Cookie Clicker, different messages will appear at the top of the page.

Cookie BasedEdit

The following messages are based on the amount of cookies you have earned (total) and will no longer show after 10,100,000,000 cookies. They progress in order, only showing the one that best fits the amount of total cookies you have earned.

Cookies Message
0 You feel like making cookies. But nobody wants to eat your cookies.
5 Your first batch goes in the trash. The neighborhood raccoon barely touches it.
50 Your family accepts to try some of your cookies.
100 Your cookies are popular in the neighborhood.
500 People are starting to talk about your cookies.
1,000 Your cookies are talked about for miles around.
3,000 Your cookies are renowned in the whole town!
6,000 Your cookies bring all the boys to the yard.
10,000 Your cookies now have their own website!
20,000 Your cookies are worth a lot of money.
30,000 Your cookies sell very well in distant countries.
40,000 People come from very far away to get a taste of your cookies.
60,000 Kings and queens from all over the world are enjoying your cookies.
80,000 There are now museums dedicated to your cookies.
100,000 A national day has been created in honor of your cookies.
200,000 Your cookies have been named a part of the world wonders.
300,000 History books now include a whole chapter about your cookies.
450,000 Your cookies have been placed under government surveillance.
600,000 The whole planet is enjoying your cookies!
1,000,000 Strange creatures from neighboring planets wish to try your cookies.
5,000,000 Elder gods from the whole cosmos have awoken to taste your cookies.
10,000,000 Beings from other dimensions lapse into existence just to get a taste of your cookies.
30,000,000 Your cookies have achieved sentience.
100,000,000 The universe has now turned into cookie dough, to the molecular level.
300,000,000

Your cookies are rewriting the fundamental laws of the universe.

1,000,000,000 A local news station runs a 10-minute segment about your cookies. Success!
(you win a cookie)
10,000,000,000 it's time to stop playing
NaN undefined

Quotes and News ReportsEdit

Random quotes and news reports will appear at the top of the screen as you get more workers. These will alternate with the messages above until you have earned a total of at least 10,000 cookies.

The possible text when [random] is displayed can be seen by hovering over it.

Requirement Message/Quote
1 Grandma "Moist cookies." -grandma
"We're nice grandmas." -grandma
"Indentured servitude." -grandma
"Come give grandma a kiss." -grandma
"Why don't you visit more often?" -grandma
"Call me..." -grandma
50 Grandmas and one grandma sold "Absolutely disgusting." -grandma
"You make me sick." -grandma
"You disgust me." -grandma
"We rise." -grandma
"It begins." -grandma
"It'll all be over soon." -grandma
"You could have stopped it." -grandma
1 Farm News : cookie farms suspected of employing undeclared elderly workforce!
News : cookie farms release harmful chocolate in our rivers, says scientist!
News : genetically-modified chocolate controversy strikes cookie farmers!
News : free-range farm cookies popular with today's hip youth, says specialist.
News : farm cookies deemed unfit for vegans, says nutritionist.
1 Factory News : cookie factories linked to global warming!
News : cookie factories involved in chocolate weather controversy!
News : cookie factories on strike, robotic minions employed to replace workforce!
News : cookie factories on strike - workers demand to stop being paid in cookies!
News : factory-made cookies linked to obesity, says study.
1 Mine News : [between 2 and 1002] miners dead in chocolate mine catastrophe!
News : [between 2 and 1002] miners trapped in collapsed chocolate mine!
News : chocolate mines found to cause earthquakes and sink holes!
News : chocolate mine goes awry, floods village in chocolate!
News : depths of chocolate mines found to house "peculiar, chocolaty beings"!
1 Shipment News : new chocolate planet found, becomes target of cookie-trading spaceships!
News : massive chocolate planet found with 99.8% certified pure dark chocolate core!
News : space tourism booming as distant planets attract more bored millionaires!
News : chocolate-based organisms found on distant planet!
News : ancient baking artifacts found on distant planet; "terrifying implications", experts say.
1 Alchemy Lab News : national gold reserves dwindle as more and more of the precious mineral is turned to cookies!
News : chocolate jewelry found fashionable, gold and diamonds "just a fad", says specialist.
News : silver found to also be transmutable into white chocolate!
News : defective alchemy lab shut down, found to convert cookies to useless gold.
News : alchemy-made cookies shunned by purists!
1 Portal News : nation worried as more and more unsettling creatures emerge from dimensional portals!
News : dimensional portals involved in city-engulfing disaster!
News : tourism to cookieverse popular with bored teenagers! Casualty rate as high as 75%!
News : cookieverse portals suspected to cause fast aging and obsession with baking, says study.
News : "do not settle near portals," says specialist; "your children will become strange and corrupted inside."
1 Time Machine News : time machines involved in history-rewriting scandal! Or are they?
News : time machines used in unlawful time tourism!
News : cookies brought back from the past "unfit for human consumption", says historian.
News : various historical figures inexplicably replaced with talking lumps of dough!
News : "I have seen the future," says time machine operator, "and I do not wish to go there again."
1 Antimatter Condenser News : first antimatter condenser successfully turned on, doesn't rip apart reality!
News : "explain to me again why we need particle accelerators to bake cookies?" asks misguided local woman.
News : "unravelling the fabric of reality just makes these cookies so much tastier", claims scientist.
News : whole town seemingly swallowed by antimatter-induced black hole; more reliable sources affirm town "never really existed"!
News : researchers conclude that what the cookie industry needs, first and foremost, is "more magnets".
1 Prism News : new cookie-producing prisms linked to outbreak of rainbow-related viral videos.
News : scientists warn against systematically turning light into matter - "One day, we'll end up with all matter and no light!"
News : cookies now being baked at the literal speed of light thanks to new prismatic contraptions.
News : "Can't you sense the prism watching us?", rambles insane local man. "No idea what he's talking about", shrugs cookie magnate/government official.
News : world citizens advised "not to worry" about frequent atmospheric flashes.
10,000 Cookies News : cookies found to [random] in [random]!
News : cookies found to make [random] [random]!
News : cookies tested on [random], found to have no ill effects.
News: cookies unexpectedly popular among [random]!
News : unsightly lumps found on [random] near cookie facility; "they've pretty much always looked like that", says biologist.
News : new species of [random] discovered in distant country; "yup, tastes like cookies", says biologist."
News : "[random]", reveals celebrity.
News : doctors [random]
News : cookies go well with roasted [random], says controversial chef.
News : "do your cookies contain [random]?", asks PSA warning against counterfeit cookies.
News : scientist predicts imminent cookie-related "end of the world"; becomes joke among peers.
News : man robs bank, buys cookies.
News : what makes cookies taste so right? "Probably all the [*****] they put in them", says anonymous tipper.
News : man found allergic to cookies; "what a weirdo", says family.
News : foreign politician involved in cookie-smuggling scandal.
News : cookies now more popular than [random], says study.
News : obesity epidemic strikes nation; experts blame [random].
News : cookie shortage strikes town, people forced to eat cupcakes; "just not the same", concedes mayor.
News : "you gotta admit, all this cookie stuff is a bit ominous", says confused idiot.
News : movie cancelled from lack of actors; "everybody's at home eating cookies", laments director.
News : comedian forced to cancel cookie routine due to unrelated indigestion.
News : new cookie-based religion sweeps the nation.
News : fossil records show cookie-based organisms prevalent during Cambrian explosion, scientists say.
News : mysterious illegal cookies seized; "tastes terrible", says police.
News : man found dead after ingesting cookie; investigators favor "mafia snitch" hypothesis.
News : "the universe pretty much loops on itself," suggests researcher; "it's cookies all the way down."
News : minor cookie-related incident turns whole town to ashes; neighboring cities asked to chip in for reconstruction.
News : is our media controlled by the cookie industry? This could very well be the case, says crackpot conspiracy theorist.
News : cookies popular among all age groups, including fetuses, says study.;
News : cookie-flavored [random]
News : all-cookie restaurant opening downtown. Dishes such as braised cookies, cookie thermidor, and for dessert : crepes.
News : cookies could be the key to [random], says scientists.

Grandmapocalypse BasedEdit

With the (re)addition of the Grandmapocalypse in version 1.03, there was also a few new relevant quotes and news reports.

Grandmatriarch status Message/Quote
Appeased "shrivel" -grandma
"writhe" -grandma
"throb" -grandma
"gnaw" -grandma
"We will rise again." -grandma
"A mere setback." -grandma
"We are not satiated." -grandma
"Too late." -grandma
Awoken News: millions of old ladies reported missing!
News: doctors swarmed by cases of old women with glassy eyes and a foamy mouth!
News: families around the continent report agitated, transfixed grandmothers!
News: processions of old ladies sighted around cookie facilities!
News: nurses report "strange scent of cookie dough" around elderly patients!
Displeased News: whole continent undergoing mass exodus of old ladies!
News: sightings of old ladies with glowing eyes terrify local population!
News: towns in disarray as strange old ladies break into homes to steal infants and baking utensils!
News: retirement homes report "female residents slowly congealing in their seats!"
News: old women freeze in place in streets, ooze warm sugary liquid!
Angered News : wrinkled "flesh tendrils" visible from space!
News : remains of "old ladies" found frozen in the middle of growing fleshy structures!
News : large "flesh highways" scar continent, stretch between various cookie facilities!
News : all hope lost as writhing mass of flesh and dough engulfs whole city!
News : nightmare continues as wrinkled acres of flesh expand at alarming speeds!

Upgrade BasedEdit

These messages appear once you have bought certain upgrades.

Upgrade Message/Quote
Kitten helpers News: faint meowing heard around local cookie facilities; suggests new ingredient being tested.
Kitten workers News: Crowds of meowing kittens with little hard hats reported near local cookie facilities.
Kitten engineers News: surroundings of local cookie facilities now overrun with kittens in adorable little suits. Authorities advise to stay away from the premises.
Kitten overseers News: locals report troups of bossy kittens meowing adorable orders at passersby.

Kitten managers

News: local office cubicles invaded with armies of stern-looking kittens asking employees "what's happening, meow".

Serendipity News: local cookie manufacturer becomes luckiest being alive!

Achievement BasedEdit

There are also some messages that are unlocked once you gain certain Achievements.

Achievement Message/Quote
Just wrong

News : cookie manufacturer downsizes, sells own grandmother!

"It thought we would go away by selling us. How quaint." - grandma

"It tried to get rid of us, the nasty little thing." -grandma

"It has betrayed us, the filthy little thing." -grandma

"I can smell your rotten cookies" -grandma

Base 10 News : cookie manufacturer completely forgoes common sense, lets OCD drive building decisions!
From scratch News : follow the tear-jerking, riches-to-rags story about a local cookie manufacturer who decided to give it all up!
A world filled with cookies News : known universe now jammed with cookies! No vacancies!
Season Switcher

Event BasedEdit

These messages are only displayed when the season is in place. Most can only be activated via use of the Season Switcher upgrade. If the season is already active, at least 1,000 cookies need to be obtained for the corresponding messages to appear.

Season Message/Quote
Halloween News : strange twisting creatures amass around cookie factories, nibble at assembly lines.
News : ominous wrinkly monsters take massive bites out of cookie production; "this can't be hygienic", worries worker.
News : pagan rituals on the rise as children around the world dress up in strange costumes and blackmail homeowners for candy.
News : new-age terrorism strikes suburbs as houses find themselves covered in eggs and toilet paper.
News : children around the world "lost and confused" as any and all Halloween treats have been replaced by cookies.
Christmas News : bearded maniac spotted speeding on flying sleigh! Investigation pending.
News : Santa Claus announces new brand of breakfast treats to compete with cookie-flavored cereals! "They're ho-ho-horrible!" says Santa.
News : "You mean he just gives stuff away for free?!", concerned moms ask. "Personally, I don't trust his beard."
News : children shocked as they discover Santa Claus isn't just their dad in a costume after all! "I'm reassessing my life right now", confides Laura, aged 6.
News : mysterious festive entity with quantum powers still wrecking havoc with army of reindeer, officials say.
News : elves on strike at toy factory! "We will not be accepting reindeer chow as payment anymore. And stop calling us elves!"
News : elves protest around the nation; wee little folks in silly little outfits spread mayhem, destruction; rabid reindeer running rampant through streets.
News : scholars debate regarding the plural of reindeer(s) in the midst of elven world war.
News : elves "unrelated to gnomes despite small stature and merry disposition", find scientists.
News : elves sabotage radioactive frosting factory, turn hundreds blind in vicinity - "Who in their right mind would do such a thing?" laments outraged mayor.
News : drama unfolds at North Pole as rumors crop up around Rudolph's red nose; "I may have an addiction or two", admits reindeer.
Valentine's Day News : organ-shaped confectioneries being traded in schools all over the world; gruesome practice undergoing investigation.
News : heart-shaped candies overtaking sweets business, offering competition to cookie empire. "It's the economy, cupid!"
News : love's in the air, according to weather specialists. Face masks now offered in every city to stunt airborne infection.
News : marrying a cookie - deranged practice, or glimpse of the future?
News : boyfriend dumped after offering his lover cookies for Valentine's Day, reports say. "They were off-brand", shrugs ex-girlfriend.

Pre-1.3 TitlesEdit

Screen Shot 2013-08-22 at 4.18.30 PM
Titles in Cookie Clicker Classic
BusterroniAdded by Busterroni
  • 0 Cookies: "You feel like making cookies. But nobody wants to eat your cookies."
  • 5 Cookies: "Your cookies are popular with your dog."
  • 25 Cookies: "Your cookies are popular with your family."
  • 50 Cookies: "Your cookies are popular in the neighboorhood."
  • 100 Cookies: "Your cookies are renowned in the whole town!"
  • 500 Cookies: "Your cookies are worth a lot of money."
  • 2,000 Cookies: "Your cookies bring all the boys to the yard."
  • 5,000 Cookies: "People come from very far away to get a taste of your cookies."
  • 10,000: "Kings and queens from all over the world are enjoying your cookies."
  • 17,000: "Your cookies have been named a part of the world wonders."
  • 30,000: "Your cookies have been placed under government surveillance."
  • 60,000: "The whole planet is enjoying your cookies!"
  • 100,000: "Creatures from neighboring planets wish to try your cookies."
  • 150,000 - "Elder gods from the whole cosmos have awoken to taste your cookies."
  • 250,000: "Your cookies have achieved sentience."
  • 400,000: "The Universe has now turned into cookie dough, to the molecular level."
  • 1,000,000: "A local news station runs a 10-minute segment about your cookies. Success!" In small print beneath that, it says "(you win a cookie)".
  • 1,000,000,000: "it's time to stop playing"

TriviaEdit

  • Since the 4/5/2014 update, you actually earn a cookie upon getting 'you earned a cookie', but before the update you did not.
  • The quote "do not settle near portals,your children could become corrupted inside" could be a reference to the warp in Warhammer 40,000, where the beings of chaos live in portals and cause insanity and other ill effects.
  • The message "Cookie factories involved in chocolate weather controversy!" could be a reference to the Tay Zonday hit "Chocolate Rain".
  • Orteil accidently misspelled 'reindeer' as 'reindeers' at the release of the Christmas Update, hence the quote, "scholars debate regarding the plural of reindeer(s) in the midst of elven world war."
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